“I am..... as a
Failure”
When I was in first year B. A. I heard news, “one girl committed suicide because she failed in internal examination of F.Y.B.Sc.” She was very talented and always gets top scores in examinations. I comment about this event that, ‘she has no right to kill herself, she done totally wrong.’
But when I failed in semester
5 B.A., I understand, what forces the students to commit suicide. I want to
share my experience as a failure.
I failed first time in my
life. I am the failure of B.A. examination which is recognised as very easy and
less valuable than any other courses. Result was never imagined. I could not
understand how I should react. I felt as someone hit in my heart directly.
Obviously, I felt very painful and sad. I also blamed university and examiner
of my paper.
I was very frustrated and
depressed. It was shown in my behaviour also. I became very angry with myself
and others. I wanted to break something, to tear out, to smash, to crack
something. I felt that my hard work of 15 years has become meaningless, my
future is finished now.
When I wrote same paper
second time I was fully disturbed. I wanted to tear the paper and run away from
the examination hall. I cannot express how I wrote the paper second time.
After some time, I recovered
and started to think different. I used my frustration in creative way, I wrote
about my mental condition, my views, my opinions and feelings as a failure.
With that I can free from my neurotic condition.
I thought that education is
not life but sometimes it becomes life for some students who love study and
when they failed in examination they think that their future, their world,
their life, everything is finished now.
Once upon a time I joked and
laugh on English but now English make my life big joke. Still whenever I see my
mark sheet the word ‘Fail’ rules my mind and I become
sad, shameful then with full of anger I keep aside the mark sheet. I can never
forget that experience of failing. Today I remember my teacher’s words, the
sentence written by Emily Dickinson that, “After every pain there is a
formal feeling.”
Now
I looked this event with different view. Education is only part of life.
How can one university make you failure?
They can only make Red mark or write Fail in your mark sheet. But they cannot stop you. You have your own life,
your own future, skills, experiences, opportunities; it is only you who can
make your life successful or failure.
I want to tell all the
students that when you feel frustrated because of failing in something, think
about your skills, your abilities, and think of the world out of school or
collages. You may feel that outer world is more beautiful than your thought.try
to live in it you may not remember that you failed in some silly examination.
Now I am thinking of my bright
future. I try to develop my artistic skills. I am laughing with others,
studying with others. My only revenge to my failure is that I must prove myself
in further examination towards university. I understand that my life is in my
hand no any mark sheet affected me, either I enlighten my abilities or remember
my sorrowful accident. So, I am...... as I wish.
Now you decide, Can
anyone make you Failure?
.... Start thinking....
