How do you feel if something very pleasant happens to you which you never expected! We call it ‘surprise’. Our expression will be ‘Dream comes true’. But even to live dreams in reality is not much easy as to imagine it. How you feel doing anything first time in your life. We named this inexperienced feelings as ‘excitement’. Something like this happened to me on the day of my first lecture.
I have prepared my mind before entering in the classroom. (That’s what I was saying to my mind that, ‘don’t worry I have prepared well!’)
Before class begins, I was ending my preparation of how to begin my class. (Well, that was not my only preparation, I weared heels and made myself to be seemed as teacher. It is another matter that I hardly succeed in getting that look!) I entered in the classroom, I was standing in front of students of 2nd year MA , elder than 20, highly intelligent, mature and learned scholars. (And I merely two years elder than them.) I forgot the way to console my heart ‘All is Well’. Around 50 eyes were gazing me, marking and measuring my every movements. I was feeling as I was doubtful person standing in a court surrounded by lawyers and judges who will judge me. The scene, for me, was like tiny manikin standing in front of giants, without any idea of how to escape or how to perform! They were waiting for my words and I was searching for words. I went on teaching in my way (and they went on learning in their own way). Sometimes I made errors and suddenly I became conscious of those errors and I started editing errors. (This way I was doing another error of editing errors.) I am very sure on my assumption that students faced confusion on my editing.
Even if I was looking at every student, I couldn’t prefer their eye contact. I was fearful of loosing my fluency in thinking. Actually I am confuse for what I feared most. They may read my fearful eyes or I may come to know what’s on their minds. Sometimes the situation became worse for me. As I was not using mother tongue, I paused for a long time when I could not find words from the air ( from where I usually find).
I felt nostalgic While teaching at the same place where I have enjoyed my student life only two years before. First time in my life I felt ‘Karma returns’ and ‘you can get a chance to get revenge’! I could feel the moment when I was sitting on one of the benches of the same place with my friends. Teacher was trying to teach us with all his/her concentration and we were listening all our concentration on our fun plans! (I am very sure that if I was a bit sincere in my concentration than I might have written already a book on ‘How to tolerate boring lectures’* and it can be useful to my students.) Our minds remained busy in enjoying the lecture with not studying, passing comments, thinking about party plans, criticising teaching methods and eyes on magnetic clock.
How can you forget if everything is happening again in front of your eyes. I didn’t know how much have I avenged students (in comparison of my situation as a student) but I was lucky that I didn’t have to face any kind of mischief. And I have not learned any ‘mischief managed’ charm yet.
From that day, I started opposing strongly the saying ‘students are afraid of teacher’ rather I believe teacher is afraid of students.
Exhaustion, nervousness and constant concentration on hiding these feelings are my feelings of excitement this time, if you call it.
Well, except humour, I have enjoyed my first lecture because of students’ sincerity and friendly nature towards me. Lucky to have such a nice experience.
*If any book like this published than the content should be...
1 Know your teacher- strength and weaknesses (be sure you are punished or not)
2 How to talk with your friends without getting noticed
3 How to pass time without mobile phones
4 How to make your mind and ear work separately.
5.............
6.............
With a preface ‘How to hide this book from teachers’.
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